Top 10 Most Useless USB Gadgets Of All Time

How dumb will the USB revolution get? How far away from USB-powered male-enhancement kits and self-hypnosis kits are we? By the looks of this list, those two items are just around the corner. Check out the official GearCrave Top Ten Dumbest USB Gadgets Ever:

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10. The USB Vacuum is truly too goofy for words. Not to mention that vacuum cleaners can generate magnetic fields when running that your hard drives don’t care for at all. And don’t worry, we’re NOT going to resort to that old wheeze about how “this vacuum really sucks”. Nope, we just aren’t going there. Buy for $19.99. <via gadgetvenue>

Check out the rest of GearCrave’s Top 10 Dumbest USB Gadgets after the jump!

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9. The USB Disco Ball Mouse and Mouse Pad. Oh, sweet jesus. WHY? The mouse pad is bad enough, but the mouse itself features flashing lights that will definitely change your mood from mildly annoyed to full-on postal in 0-60 seconds. Flashing disco lights, my GOD! Seizure, anyone? Buy for $19.99

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8. USB Medic Alert Tag. The people who designed this mean well, sure. But let’s examine the facts. If you’ve been smashed by a bus, this cute little USB device containing all your medical records, history, and tons of other private information is either going to NOT survive the crash, or it’s going to get left at the scene of the accident. How many times do you lose your keys in a year? Kiss your personal data goodbye if this thing was stuck to your keychain. Goodbye medical records, hello identity theft! Sorry, boys. This invention sucks no matter how you look at it. Buy for $43.95

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7. Tis the season to be angry, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. Smash the Snowman with a shovel, fa-la-la-la-la, you get the idea. Another bile-inducing cutesy USB toy that would be far more entertaining being parbroiled in the office microwave. This rotten little bastard has flashing lights and plays music, too–upping the annoyance factor to the 10th power. Buy for $14.99

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6. The USB Mug. We know that this is NOT a USB gadget, technically speaking. But it’s just brain-dead enough to warrant including in our Top 10. We’d rather see a coffee cup that warns the reader: “If this cup is not yet empty, stick this USB device squarely up your ass.” Who is so geeked over the mere existence of USB tech these days that they felt the need to immortalize it for all posterity on a coffee mug? How about a matching mug that has a frickin’ cooling fan on it? Buy for $11.95

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5. How oral are you? Check out the world’s goofiest dental care gadget, the USB-powered toothbrush! Don’t get any of that toothpaste foam on your keyboard, Holmes! <<Via AkibaPC>>

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4. USB Aroma is sick on all fronts. The website asks a pressing question: “What if a USB flash drive without RAM inside?” No, we didn’t make a misprint. That’s an exact quote. If we understand the broken English correctly, this website is telling us this USB flash drive has no RAM, making it totally useless! Who cares if it stinks like jasmine or lavender? We have some suggestions for new USB fragrances that more accurately convey the usefulness of this product: Prison Shower, Elephant Cage, and Medical Waste. <<Via AromaUSB.com>>

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3. Why is there a USB cable coming out this stuffed dog’s ass? MyPetCam is a stuffed animal webcam begging for some kind of slasher-movie style modification. Who actually USES webcams these days? That’s so 1997. Not to mention the PRICE, 25 bills for this abomination. Buy for $25, if you must.

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2. The USB Shaver is another patently pointless device. Do we really need to elaborate here? The vision of ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons trimming his ‘tache over a MacBook Pro which is displaying a video from Afterburner and 28 half-naked dancing girls gyrating behind him is not only unbelievable and pointless, it’s also just as silly as the idea of a USB shaver itself. <<Via Kadounik.com>>

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1. The USB Humidifier is hands down the dumbest USB invention of all time. Computers just LOVE moisture, don’t they? go ahead, operate this em-effing thing within six feet of your machine and YOU see what happens. Us? We aren’t taking any chances with a moisture generating device, no way. Dude, if you need a humidifier THAT badly, stay home and get some rest. You’re probably sick, but not as sick as the bastard who thought adding humidity to your computer setup was a good idea.

And there you have it, the 10 dumbest and most useless USB gadgets of all time. Revisiting this topic in a year should prove to be even more amusing, but for now, we are satisfied that the Internet is FULL of people willing to buy ANYTHING.

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Philips BDP9000 Blu-Ray DVD Player

Behold the BDP9000, the first Blu-Ray DVD entry from Phillips. This is backwards compatible (it plays DVDs and CDs, duh) and has a nifty upconvert feature that brings your existing DVDs to near-HD quality on playback. Not bad, eh? You get a full range of audio options including MP3, Dolby, DolbyDTS, and more. Check these specs:

  • Up to 1080p (1920 x 1080p) output through HDMI digital output
  • Selectable 1080p/1080i/720p video upconversion of DVD’s through HDMI
  • BD-RE, BD-ROM, DVD ROM, DVD RAM, DVD-R/RW, DVD+R/RW, CD-ROM, CD-R/RW playback compatible
  • MPEG2, VC-1, H.264, HD JPEG decoding
  • 12-bit/192MhZ video D/A converter; 24-bit/192KHz audio D/A converter

We have no idea who will win the Blu-Ray vs. HD format wars, but this one is priced under five bills and makes catching up with Blu-Ray pretty painless. Want to take the plunge?

Buy for $379.74

Diesel Randow Fur and Jeloso Jackets

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It’ll be 45 and windy in the midwest tomorrow, and we’re late on a new fall jacket… Naturally, we turn to Diesel when we want rugged, warm, functional and stylish. We’ve found two favorites for fall, and we’ll let you make the call on which one ends up in your wardrobe. The Diesel Randow Fur jacket, pictured left above, is a snug, dark denim jacket with a faux fur collar and plenty of accents. The Diesel Jeloso jacket, shown right, is high style fall wear at its best. Detailed with angled pockets, not-so-subtle stitching, shoulder lapels and a high collar, this jacket was made to turn heads.

Buy the Diesel Randow Fur for $453.95.

Buy the Diesel Jeloso jacket for $253.95.

Miss Teen South Carolina Speech T-Shirt

Leave it to BustedTees to catch this one right away. Everyone’s favorite pageant genius’ speech is now immortalized on cotton. The Miss Teen South Carolina t-shirt includes the now famous speech about U.S. Americans, The Iraq, and maps. If you haven’t seen the Miss Teen South Carolina’s tard fumble on Youtube yet, go sit in the corner. If so, say it loud- and say it proud:

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

Ahh, our new national anthem. Check out the shirt at BustedTees.com.

Buy for $14.99.

The Barcode Doormat, The Binary Doormat

Nothing says “welcome home” like a barcode doormat. I for one welcome our new robot overlords– and their demands for barcoded addresses. Regardless, this is one style I can buy into. Let’s see it in action:

 

Buy the Barcode Doormat for $24.99.

Nice kicks, dude. Check out the Binary doormat, after the break.

Ribbons, ducks, and cutesy phrases are done. The barcode doormat and this binary welcome mat bring techy style to your guests’ first impression. With doormats like these, you’ll be begging your guests to wipe their feet elsewhere… “Here, use my wife’s wedding dress!”

Buy the Binary Welcome Mat for $39.99.

The StealthSwitch: Privacy Gadget Numero Uno

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The StealthSwitch

This is the ultimate gadget for sneaky computer activity. Most people will automatically assume this USB foot switch is just an office toy, but think outside the cubicle–it can give you the same privacy from prying eyes at home, too. Use the Stealthswitch to minimize any or all windows, or just the ones you specify, just by pushing down with your foot onto the pressure pad.

Those Friday afternoon Youtube timewasters disappear the moment you hear footsteps coming up behind you. The same goes for that lusty email to the girl in the third cubicle from the back. Do you really need anyone else seeing that? It too will vanish from sight at the twitch of your foot. Are you checking out the swimsuit models at Sportsillustrated.com instead of filing your expense report? You need the Stealthswitch.

Buy for $24.99

The Best of Modern Prefab: Santa Monica’s LivingHome

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For those of you who are aware of the modern prefab home movement, bear with us while we catch the rest up to speed. Imagine that your next home were to be manufactured in sections in a warehouse, delivered to your property, then pieced together and finalized into the perfect modern home. This technique has been around for decades, as “manufactured homes” and trailers have been delivered at a low cost to home owners. But what works for retirees in Florida and trailer communities across the country also works for the modernist movement. Some of the worlds brightest architects have turned to prefabricated construction techniques to lower costs and increase quality. The perfect example is Santa Monica’s LivingHome, as designed by architects Ray Kappe and Kieran Timberlake. Continue reading, GearCravers, for more about how the prefab movement has come alive in this LivingHome.

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Kappe and Timberlake’s LivingHomes project has produced 8 individual prefab design concepts. The Santa Monica LivingHome is Ray Kappe’s RK1 design, the LivingHomes flagship and most noteable design to date. Shown in Santa Monica, CA and also in Brentwood, CA for Wired Magazine, the LivingHomes RK1 is a brilliant piece of prefab architecture with a focus on sustainable construction and living. Sustainability is a key point for LivingHomes, as each concept provides a set of energy saving statistics, everything from carbon emissions to water and electricity savings.

Here’s where LivingHomes offers the most promise to their potential owners– the LivingHomes RK1 starts at a base price of $852,500. A similar, property constructed home would push that price up significantly higher. The savings of having a controlled building environment with scaled resources passes a nice chunk of savings on to the LivingHomes buyer. Beyond the RK1, Kieran Timberlake’s homes start for as low as $219,300. These prefabs bring a different perspective to modern design, pleasing those with a tighter budget but the same desire for smart, modern prefabricated homes. Be sure to visit LivingHomes.net to learn more about this awesome movement in modern architecture.

Buy: from $852,500