This is just wrong. Yes, it is real cologne that stinks like real Crayons. We’d never suggest you get this and wear it, but as a goofy office gift, it can’t be beat. Want to send a subtle-yet-snotty message to the office fashionista? Or maybe you just need a gag gift in a hurry. Either way, this is a total attention-getter, because everyone is simultaneously repelled by the idea, yet they want to smell it to see if it really DOES smell like Crayons. “Is that Burnt Orange, dahhling? Or perhaps…Periwinkle?”

Buy for $18.99

Hell yeah! You know you’d drink it, if it really existed. Be the badass of Cloud City with this bitchin’ tee-shirt, yo!

Buy for $17.00
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The Atkins diet? No way! For those of us who would rather eliminate carbs the old-fashioned way, this is the ultimate workout-wear. Pizza-n-beer & low weight/high rep workouts DO mix, and we’re telling the world. Or maybe you just want to stick it to that militant South Beach freak in the office. On casual day, this is the t-shirt for you. It comes in two styles, but you’ll want the softer and more stylish American Apparel version.

Buy for $20.00

Okay, anyone who grew up in the lego generation has a little bit of geek in them. I never thought I’d be buying legos again until I buy them for my kids, but alas, I just spent $8 for the coolest ice cube tray I’ve ever seen. Buy for $7.99.
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Impress your friends, create miracles with the Holy Toast Bread Stamp. Just press the stamp to a piece of bread before toasting, and voila- you’ve got an apparition to sell to GoldenPalace.com…

Buy for $3.49.

This might just be the perfect laptop accessory. This USB VOIP/SKYPE flip phone is also a 3 button mouse. Need to make a business call from your hotel room? No problem, keep your cell phone in your pants. And leave your touchpad alone on your laptop, you’ve got a three button mouse as well. Now if only you could use the mouse while you’re talking on the phone… The image we have in our head thinking about that is priceless!

Buy for $19.50. Yes, $19.50.

The StealthSwitch

This is the ultimate gadget for sneaky computer activity. Most people will automatically assume this USB foot switch is just an office toy, but think outside the cubicle–it can give you the same privacy from prying eyes at home, too. Use the Stealthswitch to minimize any or all windows, or just the ones you specify, just by pushing down with your foot onto the pressure pad.

Those Friday afternoon Youtube timewasters disappear the moment you hear footsteps coming up behind you. The same goes for that lusty email to the girl in the third cubicle from the back. Do you really need anyone else seeing that? It too will vanish from sight at the twitch of your foot. Are you checking out the swimsuit models at Sportsillustrated.com instead of filing your expense report? You need the Stealthswitch.

Buy for $24.99

Oregon Scientific’s ExactSet Fixed Projection Alarm Clock

You know how bad your eyes are when you wake up hung over from the night before? You desperately want to know if you’re late for work/the wedding/brunch/whatever, but you just can’t see those damn tiny numbers. Those days are over forever with Oregon Scientific’s ExactSet Projection clock. This synchs to the United States Atomic Clock automatically and has an eight-minute snooze. Peter Griffin would call this “freakin’ sweet.”

Buy for $19.98.

There are plenty of Transformers shirts out there, but none so cool as this. That eye-grabbing red can be spotted a mile away, and the glaring eyes of Optimus Prime are almost hypnotic. Can you mesmerize lady Transformers with this shirt?

Buy for $22.