Having never been to Brazil, Thomas Kohnstamm started doing his research. He was, after all, a travel writer, and a seasoned one at that. Kohnstamm is one of the select few that get to traipse the earth in search of cool, interesting and fun things and get paid about it. With a dream job like that, what gives? Do All Travel Writers Go to Hell? acts not as a guide book or a hip “where to” guide, but instead chronicles Kohnstamm’s experience preparing to write the book. All the parties. The free drinks. The days sunning at the nude beaches. The one-night stands so casual that even a language barrier couldn’t deny - it’s all there. Read on in hilarity as you wonder whether Kohnstamm will live to write another “trusted” guide book for the well-respected company that is paying him to do this nonsense. So is Kohnstamm going to hell? We can’t say for sure, but he is one lucky SOB.

Buy: $13.95.

There’s GPS, then there’s Dash. While your standard GPS units plot the shortest map between point A and point B, the Dash uses the power of community and the internet to drive your course. Dash not only uses satellite map information, it uses real-time traffic data from other Dash users, as supplemented by semi and municipal data. When the community of Dash systems automatically recognize traffic congestion on one street, this data is shared with other Dash systems. So if there are three routes available to get to your destination, Dash will avoid that busy street and select the quickest route.

Dash is also web-based local search system. If you want to find a restaurant by type, Dash integrates Yahoo! local search results to point you toward the highest rated restaurants in your destination area. Have an errand to run? Enter in the subject, like “weed wacker”, and Dash will provide you with store options and plot a course. While GPS will get you from point A to point B, Dash makes driving smarter, faster, and more integrated with your digital life.

Buy: $399 (plus monthly subscription)

Say what you want to about the midwest, but Chicago is a seriously hip oasis in the middle of the corn and soybean fields that stretch out endlessly along the horizon between Detroit and St. Louis. If you haven’t been to the windy city in a while, check out your frequent flyer miles and plan a trip now that the weather has finally changed from subzero frozen hell to…whatever it’s gonna be this week. GearCrave has the scoop on some hot places to visit. We assume you already know about the Field Museum and the Art Institute, we won’t waste your time there. After the jump, check out part one of two for a weekend getaway to Chicago. In this installment, we’ll show you where to shop and where to party like the locals…

The Oxford Atlas of the World is the definitive guide to the ever-shrinking planet. It has hundreds of maps with railways, major roads, even disputed boundaries. If you don’t know where East St. Louis begins and regular old St. Louis begins, this is for you. Wondering exactly where the Falklands are? Or Easter Island? The Oxford Atlas is perfect for anybody planning a bit of world travel. Once that travel is nicely mapped out, you’re going to need a different sort of reading material to get you through the journey, and that’s where The Onion’s Our Dumb World comes in. GearCrave favorite entries include Yemen & Oman (Doing Terrorism’s Grunt Work) and Norway (Suppressing the Urge To Chop You In Half With An Axe). The Onion gives every major hot spot on earth the business–it’s a laugh-out-loud travel companion with something to offend EVERYONE.

Buy the Oxford Atlas of the World for $50.40

Buy Our Dumb World for $18.47

Rugged, lighter than aluminum, and ready for world travel, the Zero Halliburton carbon fiber 21-inch carry-on is a serious investment for the busy flier with no time to waste on those crappy cloth-n-plastic travel cases. The console lock has a triple-digit combination and a push button release. On the inside, a plush lining cushions two expandable file pockets and five additional storage compartments. Efficient, no-nonsense protection for your travel essentials.

Buy for $2,225

You’ve seen them in the airport–those suckers who can’t find any of their crucical paperwork, passport, and ID. You, on the other hand, are organized and stylish with your Italian leather, handstitched Gus passport folio. It has pockets for everything you need to speed through Customs and get on your way. You can snicker at that guy with the scrunched-up, sorry-ass looking passport after you’re well away.

Buy for $189.99

It’s true–not everybody is in love with Los Angeles. If you’re feeling trapped in the Schwartzenegger State, you can fly your discontent high with this American Apparel I Stomach LA shirt from Twee Things. Frequent-but-reluctant visitors are also encouraged to pick one of these up, you can never have too many snarky shirts. This one comes in styles for men, women, and a unisex version. Did we mention they make one for New York and New Jersey, too?

Buy for $22.

File this one under “Why didn’t someone think of this before?” The Mobile Edge secure laptop bag can only be opened when it is off your shoulders. Afraid of grabbing hands getting to your gear when it is strapped to your back? Worry no more. This bag is perfect for any size up to 17 inch laptops, with a spacious interior for your external drives, music collection, PDA, and other gear. It also has an exterior pocket for your iPod. Mobile Edge built this one with an aerodynamic design so bike messengers and cycle riders can wear it with less wind resistance. We only wish they’d add an electric shocker system to keep the prying hands off the bag for good! This one was featured in Maxim recently, but we put our slueth shoes on and found it for a cool 20 bucks cheaper. Could this be the deal of the week? Hardly-since the post holiday insanity will no doubt feature crazy discounts on big-ticket items, but this is an excellent price to pay for a little laptop peace of mind.

Buy for $58.52.

Do NOT send these bags thru the X-ray machine at the airport, unless you LIKE those cavity searches. These bags are good for just about everywhere else, though. Check out the contents! Brass knuckles, a pistol, a bottle of rotgut, cell phone…is that a can of ether in there? This must be an X-ray of Hunter “Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas” Thompson’s bag. Yes, we believe it may just be . . .

Buy for $11.99  <via GadgetMadness.com>

Is this just a lame excuse to say “I got me some java and javascript going at the same time”? USB seems to be the hot-button ‘Crave word of the moment, so it makes sense to mention The USB travel mug, which also plugs in to your car’s cigarette lighter, but why bother? We like the sheer “we got the future right here” coolness of plugging that mug right into the workstation. Or better yet, your Xbox 360. We aren’t your mom, so we don’t have to bother reminding not to spill the damn thing.

Buy for $19.95