How dumb will the USB revolution get? How far away from USB-powered male-enhancement kits and self-hypnosis kits are we? By the looks of this list, those two items are just around the corner. Check out the official GearCrave Top Ten Dumbest USB Gadgets Ever:
10. The USB Vacuum is truly too goofy for words. Not to mention that vacuum cleaners can generate magnetic fields when running that your hard drives don’t care for at all. And don’t worry, we’re NOT going to resort to that old wheeze about how “this vacuum really sucks”. Nope, we just aren’t going there. Buy for $19.99. <via gadgetvenue>
Check out the rest of GearCrave’s Top 10 Dumbest USB Gadgets after the jump!
9. The USB Disco Ball Mouse and Mouse Pad. Oh, sweet jesus. WHY? The mouse pad is bad enough, but the mouse itself features flashing lights that will definitely change your mood from mildly annoyed to full-on postal in 0-60 seconds. Flashing disco lights, my GOD! Seizure, anyone? Buy for $19.99
8. USB Medic Alert Tag. The people who designed this mean well, sure. But let’s examine the facts. If you’ve been smashed by a bus, this cute little USB device containing all your medical records, history, and tons of other private information is either going to NOT survive the crash, or it’s going to get left at the scene of the accident. How many times do you lose your keys in a year? Kiss your personal data goodbye if this thing was stuck to your keychain. Goodbye medical records, hello identity theft! Sorry, boys. This invention sucks no matter how you look at it. Buy for $43.95
7. Tis the season to be angry, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. Smash the Snowman with a shovel, fa-la-la-la-la, you get the idea. Another bile-inducing cutesy USB toy that would be far more entertaining being parbroiled in the office microwave. This rotten little bastard has flashing lights and plays music, too–upping the annoyance factor to the 10th power. Buy for $14.99
6. The USB Mug. We know that this is NOT a USB gadget, technically speaking. But it’s just brain-dead enough to warrant including in our Top 10. We’d rather see a coffee cup that warns the reader: “If this cup is not yet empty, stick this USB device squarely up your ass.” Who is so geeked over the mere existence of USB tech these days that they felt the need to immortalize it for all posterity on a coffee mug? How about a matching mug that has a frickin’ cooling fan on it? Buy for $11.95
5. How oral are you? Check out the world’s goofiest dental care gadget, the USB-powered toothbrush! Don’t get any of that toothpaste foam on your keyboard, Holmes! <<Via AkibaPC>>
4. USB Aroma is sick on all fronts. The website asks a pressing question: “What if a USB flash drive without RAM inside?” No, we didn’t make a misprint. That’s an exact quote. If we understand the broken English correctly, this website is telling us this USB flash drive has no RAM, making it totally useless! Who cares if it stinks like jasmine or lavender? We have some suggestions for new USB fragrances that more accurately convey the usefulness of this product: Prison Shower, Elephant Cage, and Medical Waste. <<Via AromaUSB.com>>
3. Why is there a USB cable coming out this stuffed dog’s ass? MyPetCam is a stuffed animal webcam begging for some kind of slasher-movie style modification. Who actually USES webcams these days? That’s so 1997. Not to mention the PRICE, 25 bills for this abomination. Buy for $25, if you must.
2. The USB Shaver is another patently pointless device. Do we really need to elaborate here? The vision of ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons trimming his ‘tache over a MacBook Pro which is displaying a video from Afterburner and 28 half-naked dancing girls gyrating behind him is not only unbelievable and pointless, it’s also just as silly as the idea of a USB shaver itself. <<Via Kadounik.com>>
1. The USB Humidifier is hands down the dumbest USB invention of all time. Computers just LOVE moisture, don’t they? go ahead, operate this em-effing thing within six feet of your machine and YOU see what happens. Us? We aren’t taking any chances with a moisture generating device, no way. Dude, if you need a humidifier THAT badly, stay home and get some rest. You’re probably sick, but not as sick as the bastard who thought adding humidity to your computer setup was a good idea.
And there you have it, the 10 dumbest and most useless USB gadgets of all time. Revisiting this topic in a year should prove to be even more amusing, but for now, we are satisfied that the Internet is FULL of people willing to buy ANYTHING.
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